Filed under Present Day

Homecoming

Dear little Sara, The first thing I want to tell you is how loved you are. I sat, looking through photo albums and boxes full of memories and this time I started to note how everyone is holding you and looking at you – as though you are the only one who exists. Your baby … Continue reading

Slow dancing in a burning room

A friend once told me that when you are faced with a curse, you cannot spend time figuring out why the curse was placed, or how, or what the curse feels like. Rather, the first thing to do is break the curse. I take hot showers. Go to the beach. Scroll Instagram. Eat good food. … Continue reading

This is Not a Redemption Story

When I was a very young teen, a man who was a close church friend of my parents repeatedly hugged me in an uncomfortable way, leered at me, gave me “holy kisses,” and clung to me as he said things about my body and my “looks.” This happened every time I saw him, which was … Continue reading

How Are We Still Here?

I am eight years old which makes my sister three or four. We are not at our own home and are not accustomed to this Sunday morning frenzy. People and things are everywhere in this house that was hodge-podged out of a double-wide trailer. At some point rooms were added here and there and people … Continue reading

Not Better

There is this conversation I’ve had that has repeated itself several times over the past few weeks: Hey, how’s your sister doing?  Well, honestly, not good. Oh… Yeah, I mean, she’s better than she was two weeks ago but not better than she was when she first went into the hospital. So… …oh, wow. That … Continue reading

Seven

Dear Nora Rose, Today you are seven (7!). At times, I’m not sure how we’ve made it here except that it has to be on a wing and a prayer. I remember after you were born, how you were so drowsy, worn out from your brash entrance into the world, and I spent that first month, exhausted, trying … Continue reading

Father’s Day

When I was a kid, my dad used to tell me: “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”  For a long time, I thought he came up with the phrase like he did the self-driving car (that I eventually realized he steered with his knee), but it turns out Eleanor … Continue reading

Autumn

There is nothing to write about and everything to write about. Most days lately I’m in awe of my life. I walk past my home and stop to admire it as though it were something I long for and then I realize – this – this is mine. While standing inside, I watch the light change … Continue reading

The Seedy Underbelly

Earlier today, totally off the cuff I posted the following on a message board for mothers that I’m a part of: Lately I’ve been exploring the idea of quitting motherhood as I have known it. I’m sick of being everyone’s maid/servant/lady-in-waiting. I think prior to motherhood I had this idea of having a child to … Continue reading