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Homecoming

Dear little Sara, The first thing I want to tell you is how loved you are. I sat, looking through photo albums and boxes full of memories and this time I started to note how everyone is holding you and looking at you – as though you are the only one who exists. Your baby … Continue reading

Slow dancing in a burning room

A friend once told me that when you are faced with a curse, you cannot spend time figuring out why the curse was placed, or how, or what the curse feels like. Rather, the first thing to do is break the curse. I take hot showers. Go to the beach. Scroll Instagram. Eat good food. … Continue reading

Dark Night

On your way to the main door of the hospital, you walk down a sidewalk that is bordered by shrubs and grasses and flowers. Eight weeks ago, when I first began coming here daily, I was consumed with gratitude for these elements of nature. The flowers at that time were almost aggressive in their beauty … Continue reading

Father’s Day

When I was a kid, my dad used to tell me: “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”  For a long time, I thought he came up with the phrase like he did the self-driving car (that I eventually realized he steered with his knee), but it turns out Eleanor … Continue reading

Autumn

There is nothing to write about and everything to write about. Most days lately I’m in awe of my life. I walk past my home and stop to admire it as though it were something I long for and then I realize – this – this is mine. While standing inside, I watch the light change … Continue reading

Same Old Story, Different Ending

Today I’ve been cold, borderline passive aggressive, and angry with my children. Yesterday I spent most of the day cleaning out a small creepy dark crawl space in my daughter’s room and transforming it into a magical “fairy space.” This involved cleaning and painting, purchasing lumber and cutting it to size, covering the walls with … Continue reading

Hiatus

I left my home once in the middle of some self-induced drama.  Feeling so adult and self-righteous, I walked out the door with a few boxes and my then bright-red suitcase filled with only the beautiful things in my life.  This was before children, before I truly understood the importance of paying bills on time, … Continue reading

The Seedy Underbelly

Earlier today, totally off the cuff I posted the following on a message board for mothers that I’m a part of: Lately I’ve been exploring the idea of quitting motherhood as I have known it. I’m sick of being everyone’s maid/servant/lady-in-waiting. I think prior to motherhood I had this idea of having a child to … Continue reading

Rose Marie & Anton

After my grandma Rose died, I received some letters that were written to her by her high school boyfriend who enlisted in the Army in 1942. I received the letters with awe as though they were the key to unlocking grandma’s true personality – the one none of us knew because we were too integral … Continue reading

Fishing

She is one of those beautiful girls with long gorgeous hair. Naturally sexy, dark, straight, thick, shiny. Every girl lusts after it and when they comment- which they do- she gives a shy, dreamy smile & mentions that she is thinking to cut it. They reject the notion loudly, “It is too beautiful to cut!” … Continue reading