Posted in October 2013

Off Again, On Again

The theme of the day/week/month is “loose ends.”  Everywhere I turn, in every facet, there are loose ends, things just hanging out there waiting for resolution.  School, house, car, kid’s education – nothing is following my agenda.  I don’t do well with this; I like to be in control.  No one is responding, we have … Continue reading

Spokane

I sat alone in coffee shops and pizza joints.  Back then, Starbucks was still a novelty and on the first day there, I folded and tucked a napkin with their logo on it into my journal.  A memento.  Little would I know that Starbucks would quickly show up in every city and in some cities, … Continue reading

Notable Points Between Here and There

1. A single gas station where we would stop to get gas. Entranced from my seat in the back, I’d watch the numbers on the pump click by like those on a flip number clock. 2. A drive in restaurant where the waitress would skate up to the car, chomping her gum. Each waitress’s hair … Continue reading

Things That Are Not Real

Once, when I was a child – seven or eight years old (as I always am when I reflect back) – I got very sick. I remember writhing on the itchy couch in the living room.  This was before sick children would be parked on soft sofas in front of cheery cartoons all day, forced … Continue reading

Genetic Condition

There is a niggling feeling I can no longer ignore.  The pain in my neck threatens to paralyze me; I can feel distinctly the thread that connects from it to my mother to my grandfather to his mother.  We are connected by a red thread tied around cervical vertebrae: atlas, supporting the circumference of the … Continue reading

Lost Memories

There is a terrible smell in the basement. I am drawn in.  I memorize it. Stone walls, dirt floor, dull windows, tools on the wall. Now, when I encounter the smell- of dirt and mildew in murky places- I smile, taken back, happy to remember something.

Forgiveness

“What is the antidote to resentment?”  She asked the question, eyes opening wider, almost surprising herself.  “It isn’t about finding the opposite and then composing a game plan.  It’s about finding the antidote and then making space for it; just opening up.” *** I was eight years old or maybe ten when we had Christmas … Continue reading

Romance

For a long while after we left Texas, books were my best friends.  I don’t mean this solely in an endearing “Anne of Green Gables” kind of way.  I mean it in a bare bones, borderline neurotic, vaguely concerning kind of way.   I mean that books were where I turned when I was anxious … Continue reading