This is Not a Redemption Story

When I was a very young teen, a man who was a close church friend of my parents repeatedly hugged me in an uncomfortable way, leered at me, gave me “holy kisses,” and clung to me as he said things about my body and my “looks.” This happened every time I saw him, which was … Continue reading


Dear Maia, Holy crap, what a year. I mean, I know people say that offhandedly while reflecting on the past year, but really, this time I mean it. Not since your first year have I watched you grow in quite this way. Like your first year, you spent so much time learning about the world … Continue reading


I think that it’s really hard to be a good parent…like there’s this thing that you love desperately and you always want to be around, and progressively over the course of its life as it gets more interesting, you have to let it go.” -Bex Montz Well Maia here we are again. Seemingly in a … Continue reading

How Are We Still Here?

I am eight years old which makes my sister three or four. We are not at our own home and are not accustomed to this Sunday morning frenzy. People and things are everywhere in this house that was hodge-podged out of a double-wide trailer. At some point rooms were added here and there and people … Continue reading

Dark Night

On your way to the main door of the hospital, you walk down a sidewalk that is bordered by shrubs and grasses and flowers. Eight weeks ago, when I first began coming here daily, I was consumed with gratitude for these elements of nature. The flowers at that time were almost aggressive in their beauty … Continue reading


This week we were granted a window – a glimpse into Real Anna. On Monday we had an authentic exchange where she let me talk, offer words of comfort and help her puzzle through some things. She responded appropriately with shocking clarity and insight into her life. On Tuesday, she was Anna. We sat and talked … Continue reading

Not Better

There is this conversation I’ve had that has repeated itself several times over the past few weeks: Hey, how’s your sister doing?  Well, honestly, not good. Oh… Yeah, I mean, she’s better than she was two weeks ago but not better than she was when she first went into the hospital. So… …oh, wow. That … Continue reading


Dear Nora Rose, Today you are seven (7!). At times, I’m not sure how we’ve made it here except that it has to be on a wing and a prayer. I remember after you were born, how you were so drowsy, worn out from your brash entrance into the world, and I spent that first month, exhausted, trying … Continue reading

Samuel: A Love Story

I’ve told the story before but it bears repeating that I always knew Sam would come to me someday. Back in the years of longing for a child, aching with hope each month and then sinking with desperate disappointment when, again, I wasn’t pregnant, his was the face I saw. Or rather, the person I … Continue reading