Samuel: A Love Story

I’ve told the story before but it bears repeating that I always knew Sam would come to me someday. Back in the years of longing for a child, aching with hope each month and then sinking with desperate disappointment when, again, I wasn’t pregnant, his was the face I saw. Or rather, the person I … Continue reading

Father’s Day

When I was a kid, my dad used to tell me: “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”  For a long time, I thought he came up with the phrase like he did the self-driving car (that I eventually realized he steered with his knee), but it turns out Eleanor … Continue reading

Holding Space

“A heart shattered in a thousand pieces…has more surface area.” -Gil Fronsdal This evening I drove downtown in a daze. The lights reflected on the wet surface of the road. I searched for a parking spot. Every space was full until finally, I noticed an empty one. I drove around the block and just as … Continue reading

A Letter To My Nora Rose

Dear Nora, This week you start kindergarten. Last night I lay in bed for a long time unable to sleep. I thought of you wearing your new “tan” (as you say) school uniform, sitting in that classroom, in that big new school with new teachers and new friends and new experiences and the image startled … Continue reading

Riverside

Home is a funny thing. For me, as a child, there was first a place, a set of people: they were home. And home meant unbreakable, unshakeable, unwavering. And then it was gone. Broken, shaken, wavered. Later, as a teenager, I had it again for a while. Our home was ours. My room was my … Continue reading

Little Wild Horse

In the aftermath of these struggles with Nora when I am feeling bruised and beaten and drained of all resources, having dug deep into the dark recesses for any reserve patience I might have – that’s  when I remember my grandmothers, my great-grandmothers, my seven-year-old self. And when I remember, I realize that all of … Continue reading

Autumn

There is nothing to write about and everything to write about. Most days lately I’m in awe of my life. I walk past my home and stop to admire it as though it were something I long for and then I realize – this – this is mine. While standing inside, I watch the light change … Continue reading

Five

Alternate Title: Before The year I turned five they sent me to run an errand. Perhaps I was supposed to get a stick of butter or pick up that book the neighbor borrowed or tell them we needed to use the party line. I don’t remember the exact errand but I remember dawdling on my way … Continue reading

Same Old Story, Different Ending

Today I’ve been cold, borderline passive aggressive, and angry with my children. Yesterday I spent most of the day cleaning out a small creepy dark crawl space in my daughter’s room and transforming it into a magical “fairy space.” This involved cleaning and painting, purchasing lumber and cutting it to size, covering the walls with … Continue reading

Hiatus

I left my home once in the middle of some self-induced drama.  Feeling so adult and self-righteous, I walked out the door with a few boxes and my then bright-red suitcase filled with only the beautiful things in my life.  This was before children, before I truly understood the importance of paying bills on time, … Continue reading